Author Archives: Mike Falconer

Goldilocks was walking through the forest one day,
When she came across a dilapidated house.
She had been persecuted all her life because of her golden hair,
and a proper home of her own sounded great.
“This used to be the home of my ancestors” she thought to herself.
And so, she went right in.

The house was obviously a home.
With three beds upstairs and food in the pantry.
There were even three bowls of porridge cooling on the kitchen table.
“This has always been my house really,”
Goldilocks continued to think to herself.
“Sure, it’s changed hands quite a bit,
But it’s still my home.”

Soon three bears came to the house.
“This is our home,” said the Bears.
Goldilocks readily agreed, but asked if she could stay.
The bears agreed that she could sleep on the floor.
And they remained silent on the subject of Goldilocks having eaten Mama Bear’s porridge.

But soon Goldilocks was not happy with just sleeping on the floor.
She slipped into Baby Bear’s bed, even though it was too small for her, and pushed him out.
“Who’s sleeping in my bed?” wailed Baby Bear
Daddy Bear became angry and shouted at Goldilocks.
But Goldilocks refused to be cowed and shouted back claiming the bed as her own.

A passing woodsman heard the ruckus.
“That house would make a perfect strategic outpost in this conflict region,” thought the Woodsman.
He entered the house and told the Bears and Goldilocks to be quiet.
That they would have to share the house.

The Woodsman did not have much time for Bears,
“troublemakers” he thought.
At the same time, he recognized Goldilocks as the daughter of the widow he wanted to play hide the salami with.
And so, he wanted Goldilocks out of the way.
This house, and this set of circumstances, seemed perfect.

The Woodsman wrote an agreement for sharing the house.
The agreement said that it was the Bears home.
But it also said that Goldilocks had the right to the house as her home.
Both the Bears and Goldilocks signed the agreement feeling they had each got what they wanted.

But they continued to argue, as the agreement was fundamentally flawed.
Because Baby Bear’s bed was too small for Goldilocks,
She wanted to rest her feet on Mama Bear’s bed.
“Who’s been sleeping in my bed” cried Mama Bear.

This kind of thing continued for weeks.
Finally, the Woodsman, having had enough, just left.
Leaving Goldilocks and the Bears alone to sort it out.

Goldilocks sent messages to all her relations.
Saying that they were welcome to join her in “her” home.
“Wait a minute” said Daddy Bear as Goldilocks’ brothers and sisters arrived and started to climb into bed with the Bears.

But soon Daddy bear was pushed into the Attic and Mama Bear and Baby Bear were pushed into the Cellar.
The bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, living room and front door all fell under the control of Goldilocks and her family.

But Goldilocks was scared.
The Bears were big and powerful, and the forest was full of other bears who might want to intervene for six days.
So, Goldilocks sent word to her mother, who now was getting regularly boned by the Woodsman, asking for weapons and material support.

And the Woodsman delivered.
Not only because he was making good money selling arms,
And because of this new strategic ally in the region,
But because he was also in bed with Goldilocks’ mother.
A lot.

Every time Mama Bear wanted to go out into the forest for food,
She had to pass through checkpoints set up by Goldilocks and be searched.
Baby Bear was allowed to work in the house for Goldilocks, making the beds that had once belonged to his family.
Daddy Bear was often refused permission to leave the attic,
as he was a security threat.

After months of isolation, one day Daddy Bear snapped.
He tore off Goldilocks’ brother’s head and threw it across the room after being turned back at a checkpoint.
He had just wanted to see Mama Bear and Baby Bear.

Daddy Bear’s paws were zipped tied behind his back and he was executed by Goldilocks’ Defense Force.
His body was dumped into an unmarked mass grave.
The Cellar was attacked continually by Goldilocks.
She demanded that the remaining Bears surrender the terrorists they were hiding.
Mama Bear and Baby Bear swore that it was just them in the Cellar,
But the attacks continued.

Soon Goldilocks and her family entered the Cellar and dragged-out Mama Bear by her hair.
People from the village had heard what was happening in the house and cried out “please stop this – free the bears!”
The other bears in the forest added their voices – “Free the Bears.”
But the Woodsman and Goldilocks’ Mother were also there.
“Goldilocks has a right to defend herself” they said.
So, Goldilocks put a 9mm semi- automatic pistol to Mama Bear’s head and blew her brains out in front of her mother, the woodsman, the people of the village, bears of the forest, and Baby Bear who cried and cried for his land, Daddy Bear, and Mama Bear.

Everyone went home.
Goldilocks and her brothers and sisters returned to their fortress.
Warily eying the bears from the forest.
The people of the village returned to their homes.
They were too scared of Goldilocks.
Of what she might do, and of being accused of not liking people with gold hair.
However, behind their backs, the people of the village whispered that Goldilocks had lost her soul and any sense of morality.
But did not feel strongly enough to intervene.

The Woodsman and Goldilocks’ mother went home to wash their hands, get laid, and forget their worries now that the problem of the bears in the house had been solved by someone other than themselves.

And Baby bear was left out in the cold to die.
Because he no longer had a state,
or any land,
or a home,
or a family.

_{Image by hosny salah}