Sick

At home, but the stranger
Unwelcome in a safe space
Commute from bed to couch to bed
The fears
irrational
of permanence.

Eat to feel better, only
No guilt or rules
In praise of best laid plans
Masks cast side
Raw behavior exposed by misery and self pity

Wasted time and wasted sleep
A battle lost in the war of productivity
No joy, no accomplishments
An ever shifting palate
To match an an inexhaustible need to snooze.

The shame of work rotting on the vine
Left for later or left for others
Fear of being less than a participant
Of being just a spectator, and not a good spectator at that.

There is no nobility in sickness
Kept from view and experience
Detritus of disgust and revulsion
Pharmacological tic-tac-toe
With a chaser of “drink more fluids.”

Sick of being sick
Of being an outsider stuck inside.
A life to be better lived in better times
Self indulgence is the last refuge
But just as lacking in compassion

Intellectual pursuits become flim and flam
Parties of a lack of partying
Fools gold of measured behavior
Awaiting a return that is a distant land
A mirage of how things used to be

Another day ticks across
Reducing time to events rather than hours
Memory blended before memories ended
Like the fading of illness
More than the return of wellness