The End of Days

Did I fail you?
To die in my arms
Without warning or mercy
Both of us knowing that this was not right
But being helpless and hopeless

Quick, trying to save you
When I should have been saying goodbye
The long drive to the vet
Knowing it’s too late
But needing to go anyway

Never underestimate the privilege of a proper goodbye
The end of days
No blame other than guilt and self doubt
A hole in my life
Where your whole life was

The awful nature of our final moments
Overshadows a life lived together
Making memory raw and painful
Rather than joyful and treasured
The assurance of time is scant reassurance

The detritus of daily lives
Slowly removed and stored
Your crate, bed, bowls, and meds
Gone, like the padding of your feet
The staring from walls, all thats left

Life, love, and death condensed
But loss is magnified by its repetition
Those that have gone before
The inevitability of those to come
Collecting lives, experiences, and heartbreaks

But that’s the good stuff
Life has no meaning without death
Love has no meaning without loss
A companion for the living of life
An unconditional bond to bind

So this is my goodbye to you
As lackluster and inadequate as it might be
It comes from a place of love
And framed by the good times
The hope that I did right by you and the love you so selflessly gave

Farewell to yet another companion,
The ones who shared my journey
Those whose lives structure mine
As hard as this is, the privilege is mine
Grief is but love persisting

Just ask my other dog
Who grieves in his own way
We rattle around the house, unbidden
Finding our place in our own world
Without you, but with you in mind.

For Dapple