A Party to which you are not Invited

Ever present, never present,
Not actually wanting you to be here
But missing you all the same,
Always on the lookout
Because who I am kidding?

Remembered anniversaries and birthdays
Never marked or acknowledged
The pleasure of gift giving denied
Gifts of old now destroyed
Because who am I kidding?

Like a party to which I am not invited
A catch up of perpetual second place
There is familiarity – but not intimacy,
The awareness of the slippage of time
Because who am I kidding?

And there you are in front of me
A haunting of space and time,
With no frame of reference for how to move forward
All we can do is retreat to our own corners
Because who am I kidding.

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