Fuckwits Walking Dogs
Not all dog walkers are fuckwits
And not all fuckwits are dog walkers
But…
If you are walking a dog with a retractable lead, I’m judging you fuckwit
And not in a good way
I’m waiting for the dog you have no control over to pull the lead out of your fuckwit hand
To slice your finger, or leg, to the bone
Because, fuckwit, the lead has a totally inappropriate flat rope like material chosen for its ability to dispense and retract
Rather than its strength and ability to be controlled by hand
Fuckwit missing fingers
Likewise
Walking your dog off leash is not a license to bury your fuckwit head in your fuckwit phone
In fact, unless your dog responds effectively to commands under stress it has no business being off leash where it will interact with dogs it knows nothing about
For its safety and yours – fuckwit
Not paying attention – fuckwit
Your dog roaming far ahead of you – fuckwit
Your dog roaming far behind you – fuckwit
You are taking a walk in the general vicinity of a dog you happen to know
And you are an irresponsible fuckwit dog owner
That goes for double for fuckwit runners or fuckwit cyclists
You are selfishly trying to vanquish your fuckwit old age
While your dog decays at 10 times the speed
Struggling to keep up because for some unknown reason they love you – fuckwit
You do not deserve a dog – fuckwit
Finally, fuckwit, pick up on the cues of other dog walkers
If they are trying everything they can to keep their dog away from your dog
It’s not an invitation for dogs to meet – fuckwit
Or I will let my fuckwit dog off his leash and watch the chaos
Like a fuckwit.
Image by Anonymous, ca 1775 from Compendium rarissimum totius Artis Magicae sistematisatae per celeberrimos Artis hujus Magistros
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